A measure of success (or something)

It's the end of the year, a time when I usually measure how well I've met goals of the year. Plus, I need a break from gloomy things so what can be more uplifting then Twitter. TweetStats helped me learn a lot - like 19 times in 13 months I've had Twitters that were exactly 140 characters long, that 36% of my tweets are replies to others and I share a lot of links, talk a lot about the iPhone, news and Twitter.

I love word clouds (see illustration) as a way of telling me what I'm saying. If only I could get that at the dinner table :-)
The TweetStats program shows May, August and October were my slow Twitter months. But, boy was I noisy in Feb. when I had more then 100 (and to my surprise lots of folks still followed me.)

Sunday seems to be my favorite day to send out a Twitter. I'll Twitter at any hour of the day with 8-11 p.m. EST my most popular times (although 6 a.m. seems popular too).

One nice gift from TweetStats - it shows what program I used to send Twitters and that helped me remember that Hahlo was the program I liked on the iPhone (before its last crash; some days I'm so glad there are computers available to help us keep track of life's little things.)

Even more, I'm glad life is a bit more normal - I'm actually watching Jay Leno for the first time since October.

(If you click on the graphics you can actually read them.)

What people say: Angels

A friend notes that me without computer access is like an angel without wings.

That makes me laugh because two groups that started calling me Mary Angel recently are waiting for projects that require my computer. And the same day I heard the angel line is the first time I heard from them in awhile.

Wish I had wings - I would fly the coop to a clutter-free, no boxes, no pain place (with consistent computer access, please)

Following follies: Real life and online

I failed following today - at the grocery store and online. And that's actually a good thing for me.

At the grocery store, a place I rarely go, I lingered too long looking for Goo-Goo bars and something to heat later for dinner. I wanted a few other things for the 10-hour road trip on Tuesday too. But I was walking too slow and as everyone who was in the store knows I don't listen well either.

At least that's the opinion shared by my daughter right before I suggested perhaps she should do her own shopping and then wait for me in the car. Afterall, I may not shop a lot but I can do it on my own.

Now, I suppose some of this is because she is scared to start her cancer treatments, sad about leaving a job she worked hard to get and I get that she is physically hurting.

But I am doing her no favors by being her punching bag. As I explained later, moms are people too. And though I love her dearly, her words are not the only thing I listen too - yes, I talked to a stranger which is why I didn't hear her talking to me. It was tough, but I also had to remind her other folks have needs too. Her cancer card doesn't wipe out needs of others. We still have to eat, sleep, breathe, even laugh. Yes, the caretaker needs caretaking too.

Online is harder because I don't get this autofollowing stuff - especially if the new follower gets upset because they don't like what I tweet or post or say.

Just because I comment or heaven forbid follow someone, it doesn't mean I want to be best buds. It might just be I need what you are righting about right now

See, I know I love this new techie stuff - I tried Mr. Tweet, Qwitter and PeopleBrowsr as soon as I heard about them - but these days I am just as interested in breast cancer at 24 or anything Girl Scouts or Open Space or journalism or storytelling and I might post, tweet or bookmark that. Don't like the diversity? Feel free to unfollow. Feel free to tell me why. Just don't expect me to change anytime soon.

Listening, sleeping, traveling

Life unravels quickly. New software, new ideas pop up faster then I can keep up because the only routine is that there is none.

I am back in Tennesee. The first day I had the fever my daughter was warned to avoid. I slept while she worked and accepted a card filled with wishes and dollars. It is good that we returned so they all could say goodbye.

The second day, I filled out the dreaded, annual, yes the man with alzheimers still needs the government's help to survive - safely - forms. When I look for thelaptop's powercord, I discover it is in Michigan

That means I am limited to the iPhone.

I had hoped to bring a piece from my head to the computer to help me figure out what to say at my dad's service on Saturday.

I wanted to empty the warp and weavings of people and time that haunt me when I return to the place where I was told -30
years ago - that I would never see 30 years old.

I wanted to finish a few projects to prepare for the launch of 3 new projects - 1 destined to be a part of Typepad's Bailout Program for Journalists.

Instead, I will try paper. I will try reading. And perhaps more sleep so that I am strong for the new results and actions wwaiying our return on Tuesday, a return after the snow

Instead I listen to those who say I am too
Raw to share right now


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Who is leading the Girl Scouts now?

Catching up with some of the Girl Scout convention action instead of packing :-)

Just in case you don't keep up with all the e-mail lists and blogs about Girl Scouts and read every word in the the workbook, I thought I'd share some information about the new Girl Scout board.



The 2008-2011 National Board of Directors includes:

Officers

* President – Connie L. Lindsey, Chicago, Ill. (You can read or view the "Great Leaders are Great Servents" acceptance speech of this woman who became a Girl Scout nearly 40 years ago in Milwaukee, Wis.)
* First Vice President – Davia B. Temin, New York, N.Y. (was a Girl Scout as a girl)
* Second Vice President – Linda P. Foreman, Durham, N.C. (was a Girl Scout as a girl)
* Secretary – Angel L. Rodriguez, Parker, Texas
* Treasurer – Joan Wagnon, Topeka, Kans. (was a Girl Scout as a girl)

Members-at-Large

* Sylvia Acevedo, Austin, Texas
* Barbara F. Adachi, San Mateo, Calif.
* Harriet Edelman, Stamford, Conn.
* Raquel Egusquiza, Dearborn, Mich.
* Ellen S. Fox, New York, N.Y. (was a Girl Scout as a girl)
* Lisa Guillermin Gable, Upperville, Va.
* Linda Mazon Gutierrez, Tucson, Ariz.
* Nan C. Hillis, Winter Park, Fla. (was a Girl Scout as a girl)
* Michelle L. Holiday, Washington, D.C. (was a Girl Scout as a girl)
* John Hom, South Orange, N.J.
* Marie C. Johns, Washington, D.C.(was a Girl Scout as a girl)
* Ingrid Saunders Jones, Atlanta, Ga.
* Karen A. Maloney, Chatham, N.J.(was a Girl Scout as a girl)
* Sharon H. Matthews, Charlotte, N.C. (was a Girl Scout as a girl)
* Robert L. Morris, Columbia Station, Ohio
* Debra Nakatomi, Los Angeles, Calif. (was a Girl Scout as a girl)
* Susan P. Peters, Fairfield, Conn.
* Vikki L. Pryor, New Rochelle, N.Y.
* Patricia Romines, Bartlesville, Okla.(was a Girl Scout as a girl)
* Rhea S. Schwartz, Washington, D.C. and Sun Valley, Idaho
* Sara L. Schwebel, Columbia, S.C. (was a Girl Scout as a girl, who earned her Gold Award)
* Eileen Scott, Basking Ridge, N.J.
* Gail M. Talbott, Cocoa Beach, Fla.
* Susan L. Taylor, New York, N.Y.
* Marisa Tabizon Thompson, Eugene, Ore. (was a Girl Scout as a girl, who earned her Gold Award)





Over on the Boys and Girl Scouts blog, we learn that the newly elected first vice president of the board of directors was once the top cookie seller.

The blog author/administrator says:

"I looking on the Marketwatch site at the press release that the GSUSA put out regarding the election of the First Vice President of the Scouts’ Board of Directors, Davia Temin. I’m glad someone thought to put in this connection with Girl Scouts as it seems like the pros who run the organization many times don’t have a close connection with the traditions of Girl Scouts.

A former Girl Scout, one year Ms. Temin sold more cookies than any girl inhttp://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=6526127125590696183 Ohio. She was honored by The Girl Scout Council of Greater New York as a Woman of Distinction in 2007."



Did I miss any former girl Girl Scouts (14 of the 27 possible) or directors who earned their Gold Awards (2)?

Originally posted in Convention Talk.

If you look, you'll find support - even in Girl Scouts

The first time I learned that the recent national Girl Scout convention was evidence of the movement leaning left was through a Yahoo group called GreenBlood News.

Carol Lee Spages, who runs the group does a great job of sourcing her posts, so she led us to Politically Direct Jane Chastain. "Girl Scouts go hard left – and downhill" is Chastain's analysis of what happened at the convention.

Chastain, the former Girl Scout who has come out against the Girl Scouts and its Journey programming before, starts off:

Change” was the buzz word for the Obama campaign. Change was also the buzz word at the 51st Girl Scout National Council Session and Convention held earlier this month in Indianapolis, Indiana. It stands as further proof that change is not always for the better.

From the opening ceremony to the exhibitors in the convention hall, it is clear that the direction the Girl Scouts has chosen is a hard left, downhill.

Over on GreenBlood Gab, a companion Yahoo group where anyone can speak, reaction was swift with some agreeing and some not.

What amused me is how quickly Google and Yahoo searches started sending me links to what was Chastain's piece, only posted under different attributions. I'm amazed at how many just pick it up word for word.

Like American Daily, which says it is a site of "Analysis with Political and Social Commentary." and picked up Girl Scouts go Hard Left and downhill. word for word. At least the poster only put the first few paragraphs and linked to the rest.

There's some reaction over on the blog from Lighthouse Trails Research. See Girl Scouts Continue Plunge into New Age Spirituality there, a site devoted to exposing the "dangers of contemplative spirituality."

And some in the Feminine-Genius blog, where the writer starts off by saying she's not into the outdoors in a blog that "explores the richness of authentic femininty."

The original by Politically Direct Jane Chastain has gotten some reaction, like this one by Lee Ross under "Watching the watcher."

Lee starts this way:

"Why does Jane Chastain fear, hate, and/or disdain the Girl Scouts of America (GSA), of all groups? Well, apparently because they're leftists addicted to change kind of like Barack Obama, and because they've added an asterisk to God. And you were worried about al Qaeda while all the while the Girl Scouts were selling God and country down the river of new age waters and multicultural streams!

Now being anti-Girl Scout is hardly a crime, and you have to take into account that Chastain is the same person who basically said that America's financial meltdown was one of God's little ways of telling us that abortion (and a bunch of other modern stuff, I presume) is bad. In the same column where she flat out said that "Obama, has pledged his allegiance to Roe v. Wade, while giving lip service to God. The other candidate, McCain, is honoring God with his stand and, for the most part, has a record to back it up." So we're not talking a lot of open mindedness, here, we're talking the right wing tip of Christian literalness and extremity. But, come on, fear of the Girl Scouts?"

You can read the rest over on Watching the Watchers ("a journal of media criticism and political coverage that has been published since July 2004"), but I really like this reaction to Chastain being upset that Geena Davis spoke to the convention on Sunday:

"Geena Davis is a "left-wing" political activist because she has sought equal treatment of males and females? And even worse, she starred in "Commander in Chief?" Holy crap, how could they foist such filth on young female minds?"

Want to know how scary another speaker was? Former Ms. Foundation president Marie Wilson, who founded the White House Project and Take Your Daughter to Work Day, upset at least one convention goer.

"I was at the national convention, and the feminism of Ms. MS and Ms. Davis was so overwhelming and scary for me that I had to leave the convention hall and go outside for a breath of fresh air. Ms. MS told us that we’d have to help ourselves, “the military won’t help us”. That did it for me - my son is becoming a Marine as I write this, and that was absolutely all I wanted to hear from her.

"

If you want to see more comments on the original posting, you need to go to Jane Chastain's blog.

Girls tell the story in videos done at national Girl Scout Convention

Here are videos taken at the national Girl Scout convention and now posted at ConventionTalk


VIDEO: Girl Scouts was my Safe Haven Pam S, an adult Girl Scout, tells the story of being the only Jewish kid in her school, how Girl Scouts became her safe haven, and how she has passed on the tradition to her own daughter and other girls. The video was done completely by Angelena C. Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Sat, Nov 1 2008

VIDEO: Importance of CPR training Lee Knight shares the story of saving her husband's life - and brain - as a result of her Girl Scout CPR training. Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Sat, Nov 1 2008

VIDEO: Why we are at Open Space Quick clip about why an adult Girl Scout chose to attend Open Space prior to the 2008 National Convention. Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Sat, Nov 1 2008

VIDEO: Julia's Story Michelle G interviewed Julia about Girl Scouts while Stephanie F. stayed behind the camera Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Sat, Nov 1 2008

VIDEO: GSLI nighttime crash Girls being girls having fun after a long day at Girl Scout Leadership Institute on Wednesday night. Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Sat, Nov 1 2008

VIDEO: Su Chin Pak Girl Scout Alvine R learns that even Su Chin Pak of MTV has insecurities. Su Chin Pak also talks about what she liked about the Girl Scout Leadership Institute. Christian C did the editng of the video. See another interview with Su Chin Pak Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Sat, Nov 1 2008

VIDEO: Favorite moments in Girl Scouts Jessie and another Girl Scout share their favorite moments as Girl Scouts. What's yours? This video was edited by Christen C. Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Sat, Nov 1 2008

VIDEO: Mary S finding a Girl Scout friend after 20 years Mary S of the Atlanta area tells the story of finding her Girl Scout friend after 20 years, and how she continues to remember her Girl Scout sister. Laura R is the videographer. Angelena C is the editor. Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Sat, Nov 1 2008

VIDEO: Deborah Hearn-Smith Listen to Deborah Hearn-Smith, the CEO of Girl Scous of Central Indiana, talk about role in the convention and what she has done as a Girl Scout. Amber K of Texas interviewed her while Ellie A of Indiana did the camera work. Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Sat, Nov 1 2008

VIDEO: Girls speak up to open Open Space A poem was co-created by young women (Splendiloquent Girls) to kick off the Open Space session. Their words remind us who we are truly working for. The video was edited by Angelena C. The interviewees were from the Girl Scout Leadership Institute. The girls shared the poem at Open Space. This poem was...

VIDEO: A Girl Scout for 60 years Meet Bonnie LaForme from Florida. She's been a Girl Scout for 60 years. As an only child, Girl Scouts helped make her connections. She stayed involved with Girl Scouts while in college and since. Find out what job she really loved the most. The interviewer and videographer is Katherine D. Sue McNabb... Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Sat, Nov 1 2008

VIDEO: Michelle, Susan and Kat share their Girl Scout stories Michelle M of Girl Scouts of Gateway Council, Inc. in Florida and Susan D, Girl Scouts of Jersey Shore in New Jerey, share memories of two camping experiences. Katherine B, Girl Scouts of Northern New Jersey talks about her daughter's Gold Award project and the impact it had. Tracy C did the camera... Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Sat, Nov 1 2008

VIDEO: GS Stories from Carol Lee Spages, Maggie E and Stephanie T Listen to what three Girl Scouts from GS of Nassau County shared with digital StoryWeavers at the 2008 Convention, Tracy Carrol interviewed and took the video Carol Lee Spages, owner of the e-groups Green Blood News and Green Blood Gab on yahoo. Carlie M interviewed Maggie E and Stephanie T while Carmel... Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Sat, Nov 1 2008

VIDEO: Sick, with no friends Jessica B tells her story of going through a very serious illness and the support she received from her Girl Scout sisters to Mayesha H, interviewer and videographer. Barb S is the editor. Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Fri, Oct 31 2008

VIDEO: Girl Scout Destinations Interviewer and Videographer PJR catches up with Kaitlyn B. from Girl Scouts of the Jersey Shore, Inc. in New Jersey while she was at Girl Scout Leadership Institute Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by Gabriel on Thu, Oct 30 2008

VIDEO: Rachel & Alvine's Girl Scout Story Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by Gabriel on Thu, Oct 30 2008

VIDEO: Molly K's Girl Scout Story Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by Gabriel on Thu, Oct 30 2008

VIDEO: Girl Scout Leadership Stories Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by Gabriel on Thu, Oct 30 2008

VIDEO: What does Girl Scouts do for older Girl Scouts? Girl Scout Robin M interviews Gregory Jackson of the Girl Scout headquarters staff on what he thinks Girl Scouts does for older Girl Scouts. The video was recorded by Teresa R and edited by Kelsey H. Posted to Swapping Our Stories (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Mon, Oct 6 2008
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VIDEO: Committing to Action, Advancing Our Mission Lisa (left) and Martha Webb at Open Space Lisa Hinshaw shared photos and insights in the closing session of the National Council. She also asked all members to honor the commitment to discuss the 64 topics Girl Scouts had submitted online and at the convention. Each idea was seen by one or more Girl... Posted to Live from 2008 Convention (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Sun, Nov 2 2008

VIDEO: Cafe Conversations Posted to Live from 2008 Convention (Forum) by StoryWeaver on Sun, Nov 2 2008 VIDEO: Closing comments and reflections from Open Space This video includes some photographs and thoughts of Open Space, held just before the Natioinal Girl Scout convention.

Technology mends, bends, breaks

Sometimes we are blessed that today's technology lets us achieve the impossible - or at least what we plant in our brain as improbable.

I needed the impossible: To be in two places at the same time. With my father. With my daughter.

I needed the impossible: An overnight cure of chills, sniffles, sore throat.

I needed the impossible: Letting go of a shared project, secure in knowing it would continue.

My husband helped with first, driving to my dad, holding a cellphone and letting me share another set of "love you's and goodbyes."

By the time my husband arrived at my dad's hospital an hour away, I knew going to see someone with pneumonia was too risky for my own health, for my daughter's health. I need to be here to comfort my daughter, even as we both know I cannot assure her of a different fate. But the opportunity to express love once more mends the ache of wanting to be with my father physically as he takes his last breaths.

To achieve the second meant swallowing my pride. Yes, I couldn't believe that the name of the solution had slipped from my mind. Yes, I couldn't believe I was going to break my promise to me to avoid rejection. Yes, I would be needy again. But the first words in 11 months let me know I had not misjudged the man's heart, only failed to recognize boundaries. Bending isn't breaking.

The last need seemed to be met with a public, gracious offer. But words that to most would read as positive shout to me "go away." Yeah, call me if you need me....oh, don't forget I don't return calls.




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Question leads to more questions

One blog? Many blogs? I toss the question out on Twitter and get Twitter responses and a thoughtful blog post.

How many weblogs? Topical vs. personal So, the short answer is I have questions to answer before know which way is right to write.

Why am I writing?

Am I an expert on anything?

Do I want to be?

Should I be?

Can I be?

Will the permanence of what I write play a role in determing what I write, or at least what I share?

Do I care?

Should I care?

Wasn't age 2 supposed to be the one when you ask questions forever?

Observations of distractions: 0

I listen, I read, I watch videos. I follow one thought to the next . I let the hours slide by. Then, wonder why.

Is it really a lust for learning? A curiosity for knowing? What am I to do with this insight into change, community, journalism, technology and, now cancer, dying fathers and blogging.

I like the idea of zero life when I hear that someone too young has died. If I don't hear the news, does it happen? As I wait for my father to draw his last, labored breath I realize everyone is too young

Edward Vielmetti started me off on a tangent when he delicioused a link on going EmailZero, which, when I read led me to his Oct. 8 post on Twitter Zero.

Basically, the argument is don't read all of Twitter; just keyword it - that is search for keywords that you care about. It worked in Usenet; works elsewhere too.

Again, I stumbled into this practice without realizing others do it; just as I once could not ignore a ringing phone, but now can with ease I find that I can dismiss unread items in the rss; ignore twitter for days; skip friendfeed, facebook. too...

Instead, I rely on the Tweetscan of words I'm most interested in for Twitter, RSS feeds by individuals of Twitter or subjects collected via search.twitter.com


I read via Ed about Facebook Zero - no, but maybe the sepia idea would work
Scott Brown on Facebook Friendonomics Brown called the Facebook app Fade Utility, something that would blur the neglected profile. It calls attention to what you are ignoring, then you can decide if you should/could/want to pay attention

But I'm usually happy enough reading the status updates via the RSS. But even then I'll just nuke the whole thing.

Wish I could nuke some of what is happening now. My daughter jokes with a coworker that it is a good thing that they didn't start the weight-loss contest a few weeks ago. After all, the pounds slide off easily now - 12 pounds in 10 days despite the fact that she's emptied the Halloween candy bowl twice, gobbled chips by the handful and endured her mother's forced home-made meals, plates of vegies and offers of cheese. Yea, Katie has a legup. She has cancer.

It's the same reasoning e she uses with a co-worker moaning about weight gain over pregnancy. "I know a cure," she says quietly.

And when another co-worker complains about a bad day - something happened at school - Katie stops that with a smile, and the line. Oh, really you have cancer too?

The lines tumble out of her mouth so quickly. I wonder if this is her way of ensuring she knows that it is real.

Today gives us another reason to move back home. The MRI folks need the ultrasound. The ultrasound guy says he sent it three times and he knows the fax is working because no one else complains. The fax? I don't think so.

That smile carries her into a district meeting, where the boss announces with tears what's up with Katie. That tears up more, who offer to help in anyway they can. She jokes so they stop crying.

ha. ha. ha.

For the record: Jelly was better

Given a choice, I'd rather be the jelly smooched between slices of bread then a layer of an open-face sandwich.

It's not my choice.

I can only choose to focus on now, this second. That's enough. Breathe. Pray. Grab a bigger plate.

To understand, read Sandwich woman: Spread between cancers. My father died while my daughter was a few miles away in another hospital, getting prepared for her cancer treatments.

Sandwich woman: Spread between cancers

Cancer now links my daughter and my father. I am equally helpless with both. Jelly.

I watch my daughter joking, hearing between the words the fear of the unknown.

I watch her face as she shares an update on my father that comes through my brother indirectly as he warns us to no longer consider a hospital recommended the week before. Now, my brother is unsatisfied with the care given my dad as he lets it slip that there is no feeling below the arms, that he expects The Call any day.

I think of the last conversation with my dad, the day I had to tell him what my daughter had. I heard his voice, and wish I had not. I wish I could have held forever the memory of what his voice was, not what it is. He spoke for a long time and I could feel love and fear, even as it was impossible to decipher the actual words.

I am not the perfect daughter. Not even the good daughter. I thought there would be more time, that first I had to be strong. And then, when I was ready to hear more stories, ready to make more decisions, I had to leave again. We are good at postponing, it is our tradition.

News of test results slip into conversations between my daughter and nurses or receptionists. But, then, as if they realize what was just revealed they stop reeling off the results and say the doctor will explain all of this on Thursday. Thursday can't come fast enough. Thursday should never come.

We talk of hoping that her hair will grow back curly, of a friend's offer to turn her mane into a wig, the weirdness of where hair grows and where it doesn't.

I listen. I worry. I collect information, I help where I can, I answer the emails and phone calls. I debate - how much truth can she hold now and what is the truth.

For years, it has been my father and my daughter who have visited me at the hospitals, who offered their own brands of humor and caring to nurse me through challenges.

It is hard to believe that now I am to be the strong one, the filling between the two generations stung by cancer.

Fill my ceiling with Twitter, more

I watch the world waken as Twitters slide into my account. Sometimes another screen holds Facebook statuses. Pump in Friendfeed and RSS

On days like today, when only my mind escapes the concrete truck's dump, I so need that reach of humanity. Even when the mushiness of my mind prevents timely responses, I want to read the echos of the world

Make me laugh. Make me think. Make me smile.

Above me lies - again - a boring white ceiling. Imagine the Twitters, the statuses, the feeds floating across in ink-jet perfection. 72 point? Or larger?

This distraction that could render useless the need for yet another numbing pill on days when holding the iPhone hurts as much as carrying your world.

But like the old man who remembers his roof leaks only when it is raining, these ideas of constructive distraction come only when I am incapable of implementing. Unlike the old man in the fiddle performance, the conversation is one sided. The only sound comes from the iPhone - until the battery dies or someone who can move comes home.

I watch from afar as the world starts to sleep, imprisoned by playing a normal person yesterday.

The past creates shadows on today

I am breaking a lot of self-imposed rules, ironically while reading others who write about online friendships.

I am writing on the iPhone (makes it hard to cite URLs) but last night as I reviewed another day of firsts, I started thinking about some posts that have caught my brain. There was Louis Gray, who reminded how sometimes we can help our virtual friends in the real world with a gesture as simple as using PayPal to pay a bill for someone in need. Kate Carruthers wrote about this need we have to know who are friend and who are foe.

I remember jumping yesterday, sharing everything about my server in the hopes a problem could be solved while I shivered my way through a night of badly needed sleep. I could hear my grandfather shouting, reminding me not to trust anyone, not even my own mother. Yet, I gave everything - more then was needed - because I was so tired of wrestling with permissions, passwords, scripts, etc.

I just surrender. My favorite books, notes and even techies are nine hours away. I am too fragile today to open my email, to check the server, to see if what was promised was done and that all is right in the world.

I want to believe .... at least for awhile longer. Friend or foe? Why can't I believe what I know from the eyes and the heart?

My grandmother probably turned over in her grave, too, as she watched me create a fake Alfredo sauce from cream cheese and other surprises. I cry later over the dinner too. I am finally cooking - but not in the place I so much want to be right now. I cry because I can't cuddle. I cry because I am cold.

I just cry. That makes me mad because big girls don't cry. Mothers don't cry. I don't cry.

I jokingly say I hope a recommended book has a chapter on how to stop all the crying. The emailed reply explains "The tears were there, crying releases them."

I carry the thought today as I visit Big Lots for the first time, demand (nicely) a printed newspaper and tell my credit card company that it is me making these out of character purchases in multiple states and yes, online, too

My daughter and I look for a college course, try on marked-down Halloween wigs, make plans for the years down the road, and ...

And I wait until I close the door on the game room turned bedroom to cry once more, wanting to believe I trusted, trust the right people, the right things, the right doctors, the right words, the right everything.

The fears are there; crying sometimes releases them.

The past is here with the people who preached and the choices I made. The new movements release the unnecessary to allow survival.

And I cry.

Updated 5/13/09 with links and fixes like . verb tenses and spelling.

Culture shock: Living with 24-year-olds, living here

I did not expect smooth sailing when I moved in with my daughter and her boyfriend. It is surprising, to me, the things that shock me.

Like, I have learned to bring my own reading material now to the waiting rooms of the hospitals and clinics near this small Tennessee town. First, I never know if I will have Internet access. And second, I'm a reader and I guess many folks around here are not. Otherwise, why so many out-of-date magazines.

I now look to see what is the newest magazine and the oldest magazine in the designated waiting area. Yesterday, the oldest was from 2002 and the newest from 2006.

Today, I read Wired while waiting. Imagine my surprise when I was asked if it was a home magazine. Really. I left the magazine behind so perhaps she read it.

I missed the changing of the leaves in Michigan so it is nice to catch them here in Tennessee. However, I would like some horizontal parking lots here. It is a struggle to get out of the car each time we stop.

The city I left was fairly Democratic; the one I am in now swings Republican. That led to a whole new set of political ads the days of the campaign and conversations I am sure I would not have heard back home. Interesting, but different. OK, I don't want to hear any more about the KKK.

Last, but not least, is finding the differences in how 24-year-olds live. I am discovering new TV programs and channels, new foods, new routines and even some new attitudes.

Did I mention the futon? Or exercise machine that is my clothes closet?

I also discovered the advantages of being first up are a hot shower and a fast Internet connection. Boy, games are Internet hogs :-)

Hotel of huggers, great service

My recent stay at a Marriott was bookmarked by service beyond the expected.

I love driving - especially when the traffic is light and good music is filling the car. The four-hour drive to Indianapolis brought back memories of many road trips as a roadie, a musician and a festival organizer. Only now, I could stay in touch with family and friends with a txting splash at each road stop.

I have been to Indianapolis enough times now - to visit friends and IUPUI for seminars and computer-assisted reporting workshops - that I should have remembered how much I don't like getting into the downtown area. The twists and turns are confusing.

Plus, add to the last-minute rush getting ready to go see my daughter in Tennessee after the convention. It added up to a tired woman checking into the hotel about 10 p.m. on a Saturday night.

Guess I looked bad - the hotel gave me room 444 because they said I looked like I needed an easy number to remember - and that was before I discovered my iPhone was missing.

Fortunately, the man who carried in my bags, boxes and suitcases - and I had a lot - went back to my car and found the missing phone.

The second night was broken up by a fire alarm - false - but the rest of the stay uneventful until I tried to leave.

On Wednesday night, I was to get a roommate. So, I had arranged for her name to be added to my hotel room. At 1 p.m., I learned about my daughter's cancer. At 10 p.m., I listened to a voice mail from the potential roommate who thought I was staying at a different hotel and had given up and gotten another room

When I checked out, I was surprised that there was nothing extra on my bill, but I was a little distracted so didn't review as carefully as I usually do.

Something made me stop, though, and I suddenly noticed that the bill showed I had been there one night only. Then, I noticed the bill was for the woman who never checked in. I explained that she hadn't checked in so she couldn't check out and that I needed my bill.

I burst out crying (and gee, I thought I had already cried all that I could). The clerk came out from behind the counter to hug me, then quickly got the right bill -- which did have parking and Internet charges -- and assured me they would sweep my room to see if I forgot anything. They also assured me that that the other woman was no longer assigned to the room.

It took nearly 30 minutes to cross the lobby as Girl Scout friends first greeted me with joy, then disappointment as they learned I was leaving and why. It was a lobby of hugs.

By then, the bellhop and car guys had loaded my car, filled my coffee cup, fixed my map and they, too, hugged me before I left.

Blogger writes about Conversations that Matter, while others use Twitter

The National Girl Scout Convention is getting some attention outside the walls.
Jack Martin Leith talks about the Conversations That Matter, learning about them through a post by Christine Whitney Sanchez, on the Open Space Technology e-list.

Jack quotes Christine:

"The 900 person Open Space for Sharing and Learning has just concluded with members posting 62 topics over two sessions. Picture girls standing at the microphones, thanking the adults for truly listening to them and adults tearfully expressing their passion and gratitude for everything they learned. Lisa Heft did a magnificent job of holding the space and inviting new thinking."

He also Twittered several times about Girl Scouts, including these Tweets

@skap5 says" K Cloninger CEO of Girl Scouts flipped business model on its head." Membership orgs?

Girl Scouts of the USA model participatory democracy using Open Space, World Cafe & Appreciative Inquiry. www.jackmartinleith.com/?p=... about 14 hours ago from web

Also excited to be here is PJClou9 from Minnesota, who tweeted just a few minutes ago:

"Having fun at Girl Scout convention!"

Early her Tweets included this:

"Hoping everyone's Halloween festivities are ready to roll. I am going to eat dinner than Wii w/Girls Scouts til 8. "

Here's another Tweet:

skap5: @jackmartinleith I spoke with Kathy Cloninger CEO of Girl Scouts recently and she is fantastic. Flipped the business model on its head.
And another:


brandologist: Went to opening ceremonies of Girl Scouts annual convention tonight. Mayor Ballard read proclamation of today as Girl Scouts day.


CMCMediaGroup: covering the girl scouts convention

Did I miss anyone?

This originally appeared in Convention Talk, a discussion board set up by the national Girl Scouts organization.
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Big blow: Daughter, 24, has cancer

It's getting tiring to hear how unexpected it is for a 24-year-old to have cancer. To fight the insurance battles so soon. And to know how fast we must act.

I left Michigan on Sunday to drive to Indiana to get ready for the Girl Scout Convention, where a project was to drive Conversations That Matter and get girls to become digital storyweavers.

On Wednesday afternoon, I got the unbelievable news that my daughter has breast cancer. For the rest of the day, the phrase "first, you cry" came to mind as the tears just kept coming. I knew they needed to be out of my system before I made it to Tennessee where my daughter now lives.

The people I had been working with were wonderful - understanding why I had to leave and several people added to their jobs and new ones stepped up to take over some of the things I had taken on.

They also quickly provided support in numerous ways, making sure I ate, rested and surrounded with hugs and love.

I drove from Indy to Tennessee, through construction and detours, stopping frequently to stretch, and rewarded by being able to hug my daughter.

Today, we spent at the Hope Cancer Center learning how much we don't know yet and getting scared by what we know. One thing for sure is that it is aggressive and treatment needs to start ASAP. But first, we need to know more:

Is the cancer in one place? That requires more tests, which the insurance company says it must precertify the need first.

Did the pathologist have more information and it is just the fax that is missing it?

Yet, the doctor was frank: surgery, chemo and radiation is necessary. What's left is how much and when. And for that we need some of the blood results back, an MRI and a cat scan done.

Looks like we have found another good reason I took the buyout. I can now live in Tennessee and help my daughter survive choosing a doctor, a treatment plan and then living through it. Perhaps I can find a way to stop the weight loss, the pain.

Perhaps, my being here will help my daughter - already determined she will fight and win. In fact, she went to work today at her pizza place. She's swamped with customers, can barely stay awake and yet says she needs work to help her focus.

Much in the same way, I'm trying to help with the Girl Scout convention long distance.

But mostly, I still want to cry at the unfairness even as I know nobody ever said life was fair.

Open Space starts with listing ideas

The idea of self organizing through Open Space fascinates me. It's the ultimate in showing democracy rules, that the crowd is wise.

The people present at Open Space determine what will be discussed during the session. Before I left Indy for a family emergency, Gabriel Shirley took time from his from his Digital Production and Digtial StoryWeaving duties to give me a quick tour and explanation of Open Space.

I watched girls and women go to a table, pick up a note that listed the issue they wanted to talk about, announce it over a microphone and then go post it on the "wall."

Later, I took a few minutes to look over some of the topics that people wanted to talk about and had posted on the wall. I was glad that someone took this photograph to help me preserve this memory.

I heard lead facilitator Lisa Heft announce that the enthusiasm of the group meant Open Space volunteers had to expand the number of topic groups. That was exciting. so was seeing girls among the adults.

Volunteers are working to transcribe the discussion and plans created by self-organizing groups. I'm hungry for information from the convention floor as well as from open space.

Originaly posted in Convention Talk, a new discussion board for the national Girl Scouts organzation.

GS Central unfolds in Indy

It's been inspiring to watch the Indy convention center unfold into Girl Scout Central.

The city too! I came back to my hotel tonight to discover a request to share my unused lotion, shampoo, etc. by putting it in the provided Girl Scout bag for a local service project

Speaking of donations ... got time to help some of us transcribe what happens at Open Space (a few spots left - register at 8 Thursday). Stop by StoryWeaving Cental anytime after 3:30 Thursday. That transcribing will take awhile so if you can't make it Tursday stop by another day.

We also want to share results from conversations. If you are willing to text for those who can't stop by, get a Ask Me About texting sticker. During or after the business meeting just text when asked, see if a conversation supporter (in aprons) has collected written thoughts by non- texters that you can text or stop by StoryWeaving Central to see what we have collected.

You will be able to see texting results live on screens at convention and via a web site plus on some printouts.

Oh and we are looking for people who were at 2005 convention to interview. Plus we need folks willing to journal about this year's convention.

We have other needs posted on site. Stop by. Say hello!

Originally posted in Convention Talk, a discussion board created by the national Girl Scouts.