May 9, 2009

Cancer strikes again too close to my home

Was it playing in the neighborhood park? Did we expose them to something on joint vacations? Or feed them bad food at family meals?

My daughter and I joke, coming up with all sorts of reasons as to why a cousin who just turned 25, also has cancer. Humor helps us.

But we also have questions: Second opinions? Tests to see if it has spread? How many cases of people your age has the doctor handled? Some we share, but some we hold on to, knowing it is too overwhelming to hear everything at once.

We remember the newly diagnosed woman being amazed that my daughter got out of bed every day, found things to laugh about and carried on. "I could never do that, she said. Now, she will.

I watch my daughter log onto the Internet, heading to her favorite cancer sites. That's how I learn she's been answering questions on a forum. She says her experiences now can help others necause so many of the others with camcer had it long ago. As she shares some of her current answers, I learn about some early fears and worries that escaped my mother radar.

Finally, I have to ask her to stop. No more questions. No more guesses. No more fears. I need space to breathe, I need sleep to rewire my brain. I need to pretend life is wonderful for just a little while.

She lets the three yelpers out for the last dog run of the night, turns and asks me why.

Yeah, why?


Post a Comment