'Last Print Journo' making friends fast

The Last Print Journalist knows how to tweet. The Last Print Journalist is on Facebook, too, rapidly becoming friends (808) with many journalists, fans of 83 journalism or word-related pages and members of 7 journalism groups.

Mostly, though, the anonymous the Last PrintJourno, is having fun providing "the cheeky timeline that tracks how the glorious print newspaper finally put itself to bed. Forever."

It is clear that the Last PrintJourno has heard the legends of newsrooms, providing gems like:

5.02.12 From every last newsroom drawer in the land, workers remove all traces of the three most influential men in journalistic history: Jim Beam. Jack Daniels. And Johnnie Walker.

There were days when the "rewrite man" saved many of us rushing to get the facts, just the facts, but the right facts, so this one is sad:

12.30.18: The last real "rewrite man" dies. Instead of burying the body, the eulogizing mourners -- in fitting tribute -- instead bury the lede.

And let's not forget the office pools, some very ghoulish, some very standard, and this:

3.18.29: Office pools let people pick which of the final 64 print newspapers will be the last standing. Many brackets pick the NYT, in the belief that when gambling, never bet against a man named "Slim."

He helps me recall heated debates with items like:

06.09.17: After an employee complains to HR that such "coarse language" promotes a too sexually suggestive workplace, the newsroom phrase "put the paper to bed" is, itself, put to bed.

Have you thought lately about what has disappeared in your lifetime? Clearly, this word man has:

1.1.15: The term "On the record" finally loses all relevance whatsoever. Rejecting "On the CD" and "On the iTune," @APStylebook stiffly rules that the official replacement phrase shall henceforth be: "On the defunct vinyl."

Indeed, on the barely started blog we learn some of what makes the Last PrintJourno different:

"I'm a veteran writer/editor at a major newspaper. I still have a pica pole. A print Stylebook. And the distant hum of a Teletype ringing in my ears."

No surprise that interests (on the blog) or activities (on Facebook) include "comforting the afflicted, afflicting the comfortable and doggedly pursuing news facts and free comfort food."

Or that favorite movies are "Citizen Kane and Network" with "All the President's Men" and "The Innocents Abroad" books occupying a spot on the must-read list.

There's poking fun at social media:

9.9.14: In a desperate nod to social media, print reporters are ordered to write such jargon as "OMG," "WTF?" or "IMHO" after every single sentence. The move is an "Epic Fail." LOLROTFLMAO

Here is one of my favorites:

10.31.10: In a pioneering online strategy, a Texas newspaper doubles its Web traffic overnight by changing its name to the Austin American-"FarmVille." The Newark Star-"Mafia Wars" masthead quickly follows suit.

This one is good:

4.2.14: Perez Hilton reports that Wikipedia has purchased TMZ & Drudge. Because of the four sites involved, no one's able to confirm an actual sale.

Twitter does not escape unscathed:

12.31.30: Twitter buys the last U.S. print newspaper and buys out everyone older than 30. Instantly, the average Tweet now has more characters in it than does the nation's final print newsroom.

Some friends join in the fun. Vince Rinehart provides:

11.2.10 Watching trends in Texas, a central Florida paper renames its food section "Cafe World" and has an alarmingly round-eyed editor produce so many extra pork chops and tostadas that they're given away as a circulation promotion.

There's the reality of the new news model:

11.12.13: Feds replace the Witness Protection Program with the Pay Wall Program. Says the DOJ: "The journalistic model has proved it conclusively: Once firmly behind a pay wall, most people are rarely found again."

Money speaks loud:

3.22.15: To make money, newspapers begin to unveil "buylines," whereby readers can purchase traditional byline space and publish their own names instead above stories. Rapidly, Donald Trump becomes the world's most prolific writer.

There's hope:

07.4.27: As "Antiques Roadshow" does a day in Des Moines, a 1977 mint-condition pica pole is valued at $70K. Instantly, thousands of journos have new hope for a healthier retirement fund.

and stolen hope:

1.1.11: Sensing a keen need in the newspaper industry, CCI markets its bold, new de-employment software: "Layoff Champ." Selling point to buyers: Makes it easier to fire or furlough text and design people equally. Selling point to workers: If it crashes near the final deadline (probable), everyone gets to keep their jobs!

Let's say goodbye:

10.04.18: Journalism's last official "copy boy" is forced into retirement. He is immediately replaced by a "content-oriented postadolescent online junior work-flow correspondent." At half the pay.

Or maybe we should not:

01.24.28: The last print-only copy editor dies at 70. Because she herself is no longer around, her headstone is allowed to "Rest in Piece."

A request to blog about my new late-night chatter gets this reply:

"All I require is anonymity -- makes it SO much easier to e-speak my mind without worry or forethought."

So I learn:

"I'm a veteran writer/editor who had been mulling since last March how to share my thoughts on journalism online -- in roughly 140 characters. I experimented with a couple of efforts that drew a spark of interest, but there wasn't quite the same precise marriage of passion and concept. Hey--you feel it when it's right.

Over a few chats, I think I can guess that he's a long-time newsman. He reveals he is bouncing some of these off a younger colleague before posting and having fun.

He defines success as

"a site or feed that spurs an active, thoughtful and creatively/intellectually engaged community."

His goal is:

"to spur people to laugh, smile -- and then share their own journalism experiences with either me or each other. These are challenging times in our industry -- as several journo-related FB pages have shown already, we especially need the release of laughter right now."

Think I'll go send a few more Worthless Gifts for Print Journalists to former colleagues, see if anyone wants to buy one of my daughter's newspaper purses, and check for the latest chuckle.

But first, despite this:

12.30.21: Use of the journalistic mark "-30-" comes to an end. That is because (a) less than -30-% of journalists realize what it means; and (b) most everyone else thinks it's a vaguely naughty emoticon.

-30-

Mismatched pasts, cultural barriers uncover too much sometimes

What makes the Internet interesting also can make it frustrating.

Blossoming friendships with someones from other countries crash into barriers of culture and time zones. The relationships force me to confront regrets I don't realize I harbor until a simple statement or question reveals what was buried. The exchanges force a new definition of common sense.

The novelty of differences is intoxicating, inspiring rounds and rounds of questions and answers. The gratification of finding shared interests, thoughts and favorite books/movie/art erases caution of telling too much. The separation of miles, no countries even, quickens what is said, what is shared, what is revealed sometimes unknowingly.

Frustrations pile up

But I am frustrated - that we are on different time zones, mostly, and that we have these other lives from before, from now and forever more. So when I want to spend time questioning, finishing a conversation, explaining, suddenly it is past someone's bedtime or it is someone's work day or time for someone's family or friends.

I am surprised by what I believe is normal or common sense or that everyone knows raises questions and needs for explanation. A Brownie point, the SuperBowl, a CSO or so many other things confuse and toss us into silence or search engines or a soliloquy. Even the switching of clocks to "save/gain" daylight time occurs differently in different countries. Who knew.

But what is asked or misunderstood when I say something makes me examine my beliefs and my life. The conversations make me realize what I don't know about life in Egypt or Australia or Switzerland or the Netherlands or .... Indeed, I thought I had no regrets but I am learning that I do.

Actions louder then knowledge

I also show that knowing is not enough. I earned certifications that say I'm qualified to help others understand and acknowledge diversity in the workplace, school or community and spent hours of leading classes to help others respect the differences of culture.

Yet I fail to remember the basics of male-female relationships in the other countries until it is too late. I ask for hugs between people who do not. I seek explanations in a culture that forbids such requests. I stumble into social norms with the wrong set of words, explanations, even questions.

USA all the way

A simple conversation with one person - exchanging lists of the 10 places we want to see - pulls out pride and regret.

I am stunned that with two people the idea of visiting the United States, much less my state, never was considered. There is so much beauty in places like the Grand Canyon, the redwood forests of California, and the forests of Michigan. The uniqueness of some of our cities, the variety of music and even the mishmash of regional foods surely deserve some time in a world tour.

As I share my list, I recognize how impossible some stops on my dream list will be now. The regrets are painful because even though I strongly believe you can do anything you want I am also realizing that I'm not going to climb any mountains without some major medical advances. The some day has turned into never as I filled days with work instead of play, instead of travel, instead of dreams.

Simple joy, complex need

What also is hard for me is to realize what joy I get out of someone acknowledging that I can make them laugh just through words. I cannot believe that I still need acknowledgment and wonder how I let my confidence slip away.

Equally hard is seeing the trail of typos and misused words. Even though I know some of the verbal miscues are a result of multiple sclerosis, I do not like it. I crave perfection, even in casual times. I do not wear the title of the Typo Queen proudly.

Nor do I like how much time becomes available when I break bones in my foot. It allows too much conversation. Pain pills lower self-imposed barriers and I fear sharing too much unfiltered, knowing that I am very, very, very good at is pushing people away. I am especially good at frightening off people I let come close.

What you lose

I forget sometimes that no one sees the glint in my eyes or the smile on my face when I chat or text or email.

I forget that the intimacy of knowledge hides how short the relationships have been, even what the relationships are.

I forget how one-dimensional online relationships can be and how the isolation of black-and-white creates its own misunderstandings that cannot be erased because the miles forbid face-to-face confrontation, understanding, resolution.

Different expectations

Without remembering all that, I blurt out what's on my mind and retreat. Only later do I see how the words could be misunderstood. Only later do I realize what the retreat - a time for me to confront/understand/hold what I've just learned about myself, a normal practice for me to process findings - is to someone else - a slammed door, a shield, and a reason to retreat permanently.

The last words hang in cyberspace. The stories never get endings. The Ugly American striks again.

Ask and you shall receive?

Someone will want to give me something today.

They almost always do because I play FarmVille, the hottest game on Facebook, where sending virtual gifts back and forth is a part of the game. I have more then 100 neighbors so the likelihood of something popping up in my mailbox/inbox is pretty good.

For me, FarmVille is good for two things: Thinking and change.

Game keeps asking, asking, asking

You get a lot of questions in FarmVille - What do you think will be in this? What will your neighbors think? Questions are posed when a farmer is about to share a bonus or news with others.

I use that open space for mini-blogging. It started as a way to make the posts interesting for those not into FarmVille,. That way even if you didn't want a golden egg you might be interested in seeing what thoughts the word gold or golden inspired. On Feb. 21, an egg inspired me to write about friendship in two posts:

• Make New Friends makes me sad today 
• Mixing it up: Gold + purple = friendship 

Imagine my surprise when one Facebook follower who is into FarmVille wrote she got so enthralled with what I wrote she forgot to click and get her bonus.

The instant responses and comments also are rewarding. It is encouraging that so many worry when I just share a bonus and leave off the thoughts. So FarmVille makes me think. The game stops me, delivers a prompt and I go with it.

Change is normal

FarmVille also is constant change: New gimmick, new gift, new way of socializing or just tweaks such as a new number of rewards attached to a bonus.The regularity of those changes - updates tend to come Tuesday and Thursday nights - keep the hard-core crew interested and has spawned blogs that actually are making money on the Internet.

Right now, the most competitive farmers are chasing after "spring eggs" to put in a basket and trade for prizes. (We, of course, can't call them Easter eggs because that would not be politically correct. I hate that. Really.)

You need to ask

One of the newer tools is the ability to put your wish out there - telling your neighbors what you want, what you need.

I find it harder to ask for things. In real life. In FarmVille. In life.

Ask for pay for your work? Ask for virtual building supplies for a farm? Ask for forgiveness for unkind words? Or, as you can do in Mafia Wars, ask for respect? (Yes, I finally gave in and played Mafia Wars so I could buy a bigger, better, badder tractor, harvester and feeder so I could do nine plots at once. Sad, I know.)

In real life, part of me that needs to know why you follow me but another part can't carry the burden of an answer yet. There's a part that screams to know more about your strategy and a part that won't put that much effort into any game. There's a part that wants to know what happened and a part that is OK with the comfort delivered by a nothingness.

Wish upon a star?

So we're back to thinking and FarmVille, inspired by a new wish list tool.

I know that little ditty you say when you see a falling star. I know there was a time when I made lists of things I wanted - a gift under the Christmas tree, red meat that wasn't hamburger, and clothes that came directly from the store.

Sometimes, I did lists as an adult, lists with far more expensive things. But I still feel awkward making lists.

This put yourself out there stuff? Lay bare your secret wishes? I find it hard to do at Amazon, in FarmVille, and a million other places. Count my mind as one of those places as the mushiness of dreams, hopes and ideals get crushed by insane questions, fuzzy loopholes and imagined obstacles.

I'll try

So on FarmVille, I suggest that even though there are a lot of things I'm wishing for right now I will settle for a gold bear to put in the pot at the end of my rainbow. Or an egg for the newly acquired spring basket.

In real life, I'm going to work on knowing what my wishes are and how to express them so I ask for what I want, need and deserve.

But, this idea of believing the good of the universe prevails in the long run. Well, that's asking a lot some days. Today is one of those days.

Read some more

Yes, I have shared some of the FarmVille-inspired blogging before and I will again. Remember reading posts by others how Twitter and FriendFeed was replacing their need for blogging? Well, sometimes playing FarmVille and sharing my thoughts and reactions there was my blogging. It took me a while to recognize that, to make sure the blogging made it into this grand central station.

• Bugged: Label of nice
• What I wish I could give: Change  Feb. 18, 2010
• Believe in the end Feb. 18, 2010
• Bugged by too much information Feb. 20, 2010
• Use today for thanks  Feb. 21, 2010 
• Yes, I play Farmville. Yes, I talk a lot. So what! Feb. 21, 2010 
• Reaching the top: Now what? March 3, 2010 
• Bugged: Lasso the bull March 3, 2010
• Spring =  opportunity March 15, 2010
• Being a butterfly: Flitting from project to project March 17, 2010

No time to blog? Presentation shows how to fit it in

Updated 3-26-10
Two browsers, a few minutes every hour, and multitasking are just three ideas you can glean from this Louis Gray presentation. But you'll find many more ideas no matter what subject you blog in.
Perhaps, the most important takeaway is the example Gray provides of sharing what he knows fairly, frequently and fast (He shared the presentation before presenting, allowing feedback in multiple streams. Oh yes, multiple streams is another tip.)

You Every blogger can glean enough from the presentation to make it worth your time. There are a few slides that make me wish I had been at the presentation (made to HP bloggers) so I'll send off my questions and share the replies.

(I added this after the initial posting)
Also, read the comments on Gray's post and you'll learn he considers conversation a key statistic indicating success.

Writing a Killer Blog (Without Killing Yourself)

View more presentations from Louis Gray.

Keeping track: FBML first, promoting camp, outdoors

Launched March 20 is GSSEM Camps The Facebook site is devoted to camps owned by Girl Scouts of Southeastern Michigan. Big plans under way but for now the focus is on filling 39 programs offered in June and July for girls 5 to 17 years old.

There's a text version of the programs under Summer Camp. Two photo galleries also feature the programs, with links to registration of the individual programs. Rounding out the content are interviews  with three camp staffers, the 4-1-1 on Camp and Paying for Camp. Two discussion boards are set up to discuss favorite camp experiences and tips for the first-time camper.

Most of the pages link back to the Girl Scout council's web site, which is designed to be its communication hub.

Goals

The big picture goal is to get more girls camping and enjoying the outdoors.

A more immediate goal is to fill every one of the 1,274 residential camping spots by May 1.

The strategy is make girls want to camp through the right programming and ensuring the girls and the decision makers know what is available.

Also playing into this is

• moving from an emphasis on camp as a place to camp as a program so that loyalty is to what is done as opposed to where.
• helping people to connect the Girl Scout leadership components with the outdoors, especially camping.

National problem

Girl Scouts across the nation are faced with too much camping space for the number of girls who camp. That is leading to the closing of camps, which upsets alumni with fond memories. When the camp properties are sold, the council also loses the opportunity to use the property differently in the future.

This Michigan council, formed in January 2009 from a nationally directed merger of  parts of five councils, also finds it spends 25 percent of its budget on 5 percent of the girls who do summer residential camp. However, commercial property, including camps, is not selling in Michigan, a state with high unemployment.

The challenge is getting more girls to camp. A long-range properties planning team of staff and volunteers spent eight months looking at the best use of all of the council's facilities, including camp. The Girl Scout community will hear those findings and the recommendation at town hall meetings that start March 29.

But staff and volunteers started taking some ideas from the group immediately. That has led to some new camp programs and services, such as a geocache searching trip, adding more times for troops to camp together, and the formation of an advocacy team.

Attract through comfort

One effort focuses on making the decision makers and the girls feel comfortable going to camp. That can be done by offering information, showcasing stories of people who camp, providing photos and schedules of typcal camp stays.

Looking at the demographics of Facebook explains why a Girl Scout council should consider a Facebook fan page for its camps and programs. Facebook is where the moms, and to some extent, the girls are.

Avoiding overload

GSSEM wanted its camps separate from its main Facebook site but wanted the camps launched from one Facebook site, the "mother ship." It took less then 24 hours to grab enough fans to get an easy to remember name (facebook.com/gssemcamps). It took three days to get to 95 fans.

A quick search uncovered at least 15 pages and groups set up for the current properties: The Timbers, Camp O'FairWinds, Hawthorn Hollow, Camp Innisfree, Playfair, and Camp Metamora. That search provides a good reason why the organization should have jumped in early. For instance, some of the sites were started by employees who have moved on and there's no way for the council to recover the access.

Using FBML

This is the first time I used Static FBML, the Facebook version of html. That led to uncovering some great resources and a reminder of how much  Jessie Stay of Stay N'ALive and SocialToo knows about Facebook and FBML. (He wrote FBML Essentials and I'm On Facebook, Now What?)

The first place to stop is the fan page for Static FBML, with a look at the discussions.

Then, I went to Stay's post: How to create the perfect fan page 

Also helpful:

• Hyperarts' category of posts on Static FBML
• Facebook Developers Wiki and a handy testing place.
•  8 essential applications for your brand's Facebook page
• How to build a Facebook Landing Page for Your Business   
• 30+ Apps for Doing Business on Facebook   
• 5 Elements of a Sucessful Fan Page
• Extending Static FBML tabs with multimedia content
• Customize your Facebook fan page and the 30 other posts on the subject
• A Travel Blog Guide to Creating Facebook Welcome Pages

Plus, I looked at a lot of fan pages to see what people responded too.

I'm pleased with the start of this Facebook effort. I'm hoping to add more interviews with staff and more details on the programs. I'd like videos of girls who are passionate about camp.

I think it would be fun to have photos posted during actual camp sessions.

Another idea would be to let a team of girls armed with Flips roam the camps and produce same day videos, much like the effort I helped with at the national Girl Scout convention in 2008.

I didn't find any other Girl Scout camp on Facebook.

NYT, others remember 'Collector of scoops'

`Nice headline - A" collector of scoops steps down -  on a New York Times article about Patrick McCarthy, who is leaving the Advance Publications umbrella.

McCarthy's leaving also prompted Aaron Gell to recall working for McCarthy on March 17. His  Snakes chase out St. Patrick (McCarthy) is worth your time. Says Gell:

"I spent four years as an editor at W, despite knowing next to nothing at all about fashion or society, and the biggest lesson I drew from working with Patrick—or tried to draw, anyway—was that great magazines exude swagger. They’re confident and sure-footed and they don’t look around for approval."

Gell recalls the one time that McCarthy prompted him to change plans for a magazine and reminds us of Charlie Rose quoting McCarthy as saying:

“The magazines have power, newspapers have power. It’s not individuals.”

People forget that when they get hung up on titles and positions. Or, let's be real, you don't even need the title or position. Many folks who once worked for news organizations find that people forget your name when the press boots you.

But back to the New York Times, where reporter Eric Wilson writes:

"As the editorial director of WWD, the (fashion) industry newspaper, and W, its glossy sister magazine for consumers, Mr. McCarthy always considered his publications to be the singular powerhouse for scoops, whether a designer was changing jobs or a retailer was headed for bankruptcy. In fact, his reign was so great that it was called “the McCarthy era” in a 1997 profile in New York magazine."

In 1997, he became chairman and editorial director of Fairchild Publications, now called the Fairchild Fashion Group and part of the Advance group. Last week, his departure was announced.

More from Wilson:

"Mr. McCarthy had risen through the ranks, from a reporter in the Washington bureau in the ’70s to London correspondent to Paris bureau chief to the helm of WWD in New York, where, in 1993 he remade W, which Mr. Fairchild had started as a society broadsheet in 1972, into the monthly glossy that it is today. (On Tuesday, Stefano Tonchi, the editor of T: The New York Times Style Magazine, was named the new editor of W, which will be split from Fairchild and folded into the glossy magazine portfolio of Condé Nast and Advance Publications, which acquired Fairchild in 1999.)"

 and there's this:

“It was all about the story,” Mr. McCarthy said on Wednesday. “Get the story. It doesn’t matter what it is: a fashion show, a party, a movie star or a celebrity. If you can get it first, it’s even better.”

McCarthy is staying until the end of the year, but doesn't say what's next.

Hire for skill or hire for passion?

A blog post, Product managers should know how to write code, got me thinking about non-profits and their employees. Is it enough to have the right skill set or does an employee need to believe deeply in the organization's mission to succeed? How much background is needed if you are part of a group that is charged with creating a new organization.

Jake Kuramoto, who blogs over on AppsLabs, says that product managers knowing code was one of the themes he discovered at SXSWi  (He describes the interactive part of the festival as including "very bright people in web design and development, emerging technologies, entrepreneurship, and game development and design.")

He explains why knowing code helps:

"The ability to understand what’s possible leads to better design, and this becomes much easier if you get dirty with the code, at least at the enough-to-be-dangerous level."

So, a PM must understand both the user and what s/he needs the product to do and what the product can actually do.

You have to be passionate, which leads to breaking, modifying, hacking and bending product to your will. You can’t do any of this without getting dirty with code."

 That's where I'm at with non-profits and employees. Is the skill set useful if there is a basic lack of respect for the organization? Can you promote an organization if you don't understand the principles behind the movement?

Can an employee adapt, quickly embedding the mission once hired? What does an organization need to provide to get an employee there?


As a lifetime Girl Scout, I am surprised (still) to discover people employed by Girl Scouts who don't know the basics. Since the organization requires its volunteers to go through an orientation, I expected that also was required of staff members. But as I work with different councils, I am discovering that most staff orientations don't include a grounding in Girl Scout basics.


Even more scary to me is when people who don't know the organization are involved with creating a new organization to better serve the community.

Without knowing that a Brownie is a Girl Scout or cookies sales are more then a fund-raiser, how can someone be "breaking, modifying, hacking and bending product" (in this case, organization) to create something better?

Huntsville Times getting new design director

Paul Wallen, who took a break from journalism to become a foster parent, will head up design efforts at The Huntsville Times, an Advance Publication in Alabama.

Charles Apple reminds us in a blog post, "Easily amused?" that Paul Wallen becomes design director at the Huntsville Times the week of March 29.

Apple, who often blogs about design journalists, played off one of Wallen's Tweets on house hunting, reminding us that he told us of the job switch earlier. Read that post from Apple for examples of Wallen's work.

(The tweet: "So excited about being the first state on all those Web pulldown menus!")

Wallen, who was laid off in March 2009 from the Florida Sun-Sentinel and just weeks later became  the assistant managing editor for design and sports at the Kerrville (Texas) Daily Times, turned to running a foster home in Texas.

He told Apple in October he and his wife were becoming "full time foster parents at Boysville, a non-profit program northeast of San Antonio that specializes in providing safe, family-like homes for children who can not live with their real families for various reasons (illness, poverty, abuse, neglect, etc.)"

The foster care gig was his first outside of journalism for 22 years, including 17 years in daily newspapers. Wallen wrote to Apple:

"That’s pretty much my entire adult life and it’s really all I’ve ever known. So to say that I’m nervous about trying something so different would be one heck of an understatement."

Wallen replaces Tim Ball, who left in October for the Washington Post.

 ----

I have written about The Huntsville Times before, including several posts about ex-publisher Howard Bronson, including his lawsuit, "retirement" and some speculation about his leaving.  

Don't forget Advance addiction fed by Alabama lawsuit.  (Sept. 21, 2009)

I also talk about The Huntsville Times in:

•  Buyout offers popping up at Newhouse newspapers in Alabama Dec. 16, 2009
• Pink Power: Black and white and pink all over in Alabama  Oct. 4, 2009
• Moving is today's theme at Advance Publications in Alabama Aug. 29, 2009
• Talking about Advance from Oregon to New Jersey: There's pain, envy, honors Aug. 6, 2009 
• Alabama paper makes it local, local, local May 21, 2009
• Advance execs share outlook on TV  April 8, 2009

A lesson learned at "South by" shared

Sad because you didn't make it to the interactive portion of SSWi? Lots of people are writing about their experienes, putting some weight behind the 140-character, live coverage Tweets.

I enjoyed reading Top Ten Lessons I Learned at South By Southwest from Escaping Mediocrity

Here's one lesson that goes beyond this meetup:

10. Sometimes when you meet the people you know online, they are way WAY better than you even imagined. And sometimes, they totally suck. I experienced both. It was a great reminder that people can put forth whatever personality they want to online. The only way to determine its truth is to meet them in real life.

Let me just add that when someone doesn't want to meet offline that might be a warning to lower the trust element or at least draw back on the personal information and insights you're sharing. See, I think that's just one of the ways you might discover the prince you're talking with might actually be a dog.

Being a butterfly: Flitting from project to project

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Or, if you prefer, Happy Day!

Today, I am a butterfly, flitting from project to project. Deadlines do that to me. Suddenly, I can find a zillion other things that need to be done while working on something facing a deadline. And, you know, those zillion things are important and need to be done. Just not right now.

(But then, FarmVille probably shouldn't be in a tab either. Shhh. Don't tell anyone I slipped into break mode.)

Google everywhere: Erases that bad thought

Boy, Google is getting darn right personal.

First, I noticed that my Google search results now come up with suggestions from my friends. That nice Google tool even tells me how I know that person - through Twitter, through that network or this.

I can't seem to shut Google Play off in my Reader, so I'm getting more suggestions of what to read there. (Hello, Play and Google do you see how many feeds are unread?!? If you really want to help, tell me which ones are echo chambers and where to cut. I'm an information hoarder and I need help!)

I also thought it was Google that was been getting more pushy on my browser with its suggestions of where I go next while I was surfing, but that turned out to be Feedly.

Still, I just logged into Gmail for a pre-dinner check while mulling over exactly what is it that bothers me about this latest request to "teach me everything you know. I have an hour" request.

That led me to think about how various people approached sharing what they found at SXSW, the music/film/geek/oh-my-God-how-come-I-missed-it-again event. For just a moment, I wondered what it would be like to be XXX (name doesn't really matter, now does it) when up popped this quote on my Gmail:

Kurt Cobain - "Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are."

So, OK, I get that and will stop lusting for their lives. A part of me knows no one lives perfection 24/7 despite the perfect picture they present to the world. Besides, life's challenges prevent boredum.

Still I wish I knew the right answer for people who want a brain dump of years squashed into minutes.

Spring = opportunity

One of the highlights of spring is all the birthing that goes on. It's a reminder of cycles and a reminder that we, too, can be reborn.

Spring is newness. Spring is young. Spring is opportunity.

Just as the shoots of new plants push through once frozen ground, we can push through the barriers that keep us separated from our goals, our opportunities, our best.

iPhone, FriendFeed discover my security leaks

Just when I think I've plugged all the security leaks and repaired all the walls, a simple maneuver reveals just how much I don't know about the computer or Internet.

I need my own IT department. Really.

I'm just a week into the month-old Google Buzz. I thought I'd set things up so limited information about me was available until I completely recover from a hack and stolen, or perhaps I should say borrowed, accounts.

My profile, including contact information, looked great (limited) on the laptop's FireFox, Safari and Internet Explorer. What a surprise when I unexpectedly look at my profile through the iPhone Google application. There, for the whole world to see, was my home address, multiple email addresses, and some notes foolishly stored in a Gmail Contacts form.

I shouldn't be surprised - my iPhone/Facebook application continues to let me do things I can't on the web interface. Sometimes, that's a good thing.

Facebook privacy control an inside job

Not quite as disturbing, but interesting, was learning that choosing the audience for an item on Facebook only works on Facebook. That means items that I customized on Facebook for family-only or for game-players only are making their way to my FriendFeed account. I don't think I broke the rule of say only what you're willing to see on the front page of a newspaper. But I'm sure a few folks were surprised by what thye read on FriendFeed where I tend to stick to technology, journalism, health care and not family, farming or Facebook tricks.

Google Play easy to dismiss

Two quick reasons why I expect to keep resisting Play, a new tool form Google:

• Information overload.
• I'm a word guy person.

Play, just introduced on the Official Google Reader Blog,  and popping up when you log into Reader, is a graphic representation - think slide show - of the blogs and pages you subscribe too. Plus, if you signal you like a post, Play will come up with suggestions for you. Here's what the company said:

"It's designed to be a fun and easy way to browse interesting items, while Reader is a highly customizable way to organize your feeds, keep track of what you've read, and much more."

Information scarcity - Not!

I find it ironic that this suggestion capability, which Reader already did on a smaller scale, comes into play when I'm actively reducing the number of subscriptions. I don't seem to have a problem with finding things to add even though I rarely even check over on Toluu to see what feeds those I respect have added.

I especially don't need Play suggesting that I add feeds I've dropped.

Google Reader kept suggesting over and over (way too many times) that I try Play so I did. Perhaps it is my word orientation, but the slideshow presentation took too long.

I'm a skimmer and want the headlines, not pretty pictures. The picture view wasn't even compelling enough for the crafts, quilts or bead categories. 

And I don't want to have to figure out what the pretty little icons mean. I get the star, might get the square smiley face for like, but not the share one or the first four. (Seriously, a TV  means start the slide show? That's not where I watch slide shows.)

And the menu presented? Where did that come from? What's wrong with my categories - web, crafts, journalism, news, non-profits and the 'net, etc.?

I just want to cruise through my feeds. I want to comment easily when I share. 

Need to improve

Google Reader could give me three things:

• Once is enough, with comments please
• Easy way to see comments, likes on what I share
• Ability to choose how long to keep by feed or category

Google could improve my Reader experience by knowing reading a post once is enough. I'd love it if once I read a post I didn't see it again even if all of the folks I'm following like the post enough to click on the share button.

That one time experience would be richer if the comments collected on other shares would bound together with the post. Probably a nice thing for the post author too.

I want to know

Sometimes, I do feel like I'm in a rowboat on the ocean. Even though I keep seeing the number of people subscribing to my shares going up, I wonder if anyone likes my shares, my thoughts, my likes?

I'd love to see what happens after I'm done sharing. (It'd be nice to know too if someone comments on what I write in this blog.)

I want control

Last, but not least, other priorities get in the way of reading my feeds. Take yesterday when the new refrigerator was to be delivered. Twice, I emptied the old one in anticipation of delivery any moment. Twice, a phone call canceled  the delivery, which means it all went back in.

I wish I could tell Google Reader to never, ever, let feeds from some people pass through unread, some can disappear after 24 hours and the rest, well, let me decide.

And speaking of control, please, could I stop seeing the plea to play already. :)

Pinches, pants trick help separate dreams from reality

Sometimes, I pinch myself to make sure I'm awake and not dreaming. Or I walk to a mirror to make sure it's me staring back. Or I check carefully to make sure I'm in my web accounts.

It's not a new sensation. I mean really how many people get to be in Willie Nelson's house, or get to tell  William Holden why a scene in Network movie is unbelievable or share a cup of coffee with Garrison Keillor?

I get that not everyone talks regularly with authors or finds their suggestions/thoughts and names in books. I understand that not all get joy from standing on a stage before thousands or arranging the event that brought people together. I know some find no thrill in watching the plants that grow from an idea seed carefully planted, pruned and watered.

Recognize validation

I savor successes. It validates my ideas when I learn that someone I respect has chosen to subscribe to my blog, Google Buzz or FriendFeed. I can't help but smile when someone tells me I'm like sunshine even after I've missed a deadline. Or picks out a piece of my writing to launch their own thinking.

I seek signs that will lead to more success. Sometimes, the perfect message pops into your inbox. Today, it was Chris Brogan's newsletter that was titled "I Don't Fit In - Do You?" He not only perfectly describes how I feel, he shares what he did/does with that concept to make a life script that works for him. The timing of the message is unbelievable perfect.

Recognize signs

Brogan answers my thank you (a bonus) and when I go look for the web address so you can sign up for his newsletter I stumble across "My Love for Blogging." That's the post I needed today as I work my way through some changes.

Just yesterday at a lunch with some former co-workers, I realized what I don't want to blog about anymore - Advance Publications. That's sad because it is something I know. That's sad because I think I'm the only one that was watching all of them and that's how I discovered the trends. That's sad because that's the only reason some of you come here.

Don't be sad

In fact, sadness is the very reason I don't want to blog about it anymore. Despite the optimism of the three Michigan newspapers adding a Tuesday newsstand-only edition to its three-day lineup, the long-term outlook is horrible. I find it hard to go to funerals and I don't want to cover any more either.

Yes, I hope that somehow Advance will find a vision that works and that it can execute - I'd like to keep getting that pension I earned with way too many 60 hour work weeks. Yes, I'm thrilled everytime I see an idea recycled and improved. Yes, I think the news business is vital to communities.

Recognize limits

But, like you, I only get 24 hours a day.

Whether I'm overflowing with self-confidence or drowning in pity, I know my Advance days are behind me. My eyes sparkle when I'm exploring other subjects. So, I'm moving on.

The best part? I'm moving on because I carry within me lines from my grandfather who wanted me to succeed even when others did not. The same man who coached me to believe "trust  no one, not even your own mother" also tattooed into my brain that every person puts their pants on one leg at a time, making them no better or worse then you and always making them approachable.

Still, sometimes I pinch myself to make sure I'm not imagining the conversations and encouragement. Sometimes, I visualize that person putting their pants on. Sometimes, I just say thanks.

Rudeness, 'too good for me' don't belong on Internet

My latest trip to the rant box began with a post I mostly agree with -  For Many Families, Facebook is the Real World Web.

Indeed, if I had to limit myself today to just one Internet tool/service Facebook would be my choice.

Fortunately, I don't have to choose just one service because I make time to try other services and tools. I like testing the new products, talking about the new ideas, and figuring out how to use it to do the most good. I'm an information junkie, an early adopter, and, in the eyes of some, a techie or geek of long standing.

That eagerness makes me different from the majority. And, like in the physical world, I feel a need to respect differences and not make everyone be me.

Feeling left out

If most of the family are meat-eaters, how polite is it to force every gathering to be held at the best vegetarian places? And, if I give in and go to their restaurant of choice is it OK for me to roll my eyes and tsk, tsk when they order the 16 ounces of red meat?

When I read Louis Gray's post on families on Facebook, I felt like a meat eater at the world's best vegetarian restaurant. I needed to stop using Facebook, the utility service with lots of good but no best tools, and start using the superior tools like FriendFeed, Twitter, SmugMug, etc. In other words, force feed me the tofu.

"I may prefer Google Buzz and FriendFeed and Twitter and SmugMug and all these other best-of-breed sites for their specific use cases, but thus far, I haven't been able to convert the family to converge with me there."

I don't get that urge to move folks who are comfortable with an all-you-can-eat place over to the sushi bar. That means I don't get why he or anyone else would want to move a family who is using one tool to do more communicating then ever before to a suite of tools.  I think it's rude to want family to give up what they like for something shinier.

But there's a clue in this piece of his post:

"But even more than the raw numbers, the impact Facebook has, from sharing, to members' gestures, to the act of friending and unfriending, cannot be overstated. For while many of us digerati get all atwitter about newer, shinier objects, the mainstream Web has made Facebook their central gathering place to talk with casual friends, family members, and even talk business. Now, activities online affect those offline, and offline events directly impact a response on Facebook."

(Check his post out for some good examples of how his family uses Facebook.)

The new divide

Like I said, I agree with most of what he wrote so I posted at the blog site:

"You've captured the new divide so well. Early adopters, techie people may prefer the new shiny stuff. They may like specific tools for specific tasks. But most people want one-size, one tool for all. They feel safe on Facebook and they can ramp up fast.

Just tonight I watched how fast a series of "Notes" spread. They started as blog posts, but I learned how many people were more comfortable with Notes then with blogs. They also liked the ease of sharing with their own unique audiences. Trust me - more people read the notes I shared then I'll get through Google Reader.

I find that organizations and businesses also are finding it easier, quicker, better to be on Facebook then on the web or out Twittering or even Yahooing. The statistics and feedback are easy to understand and quick to get. The pages remind me of the days of GeoCities and other templated sites. Fill in the blanks and go.

Heck, I even have a new appreciation for the community that can grow around the social media games and applications. I started playing and using them so I could write about them.

But the community aspect is powerful. When I was silenced for a few days on Facebook, I was surprised at how many people missed my comments, statuses and even my FarmVille updates (Hey, they give you a category and box to write in.).

There are some amazing things happening in the Facebook ghetto - or is it the non-Facebook interfaces that are the ghettos and silos?"

 

Silence surprises

Later, I was surprised again. Despite comments being posted, there was no sign that the blog author was reading them. But if you allow comments at your blog, do you have an obligation to acknowledge them? How quickly?

I'm still uncomfortable with what I did, but I started replying to the comments because I believe if you know something you should share it. And I don't see Facebook as evil (challenging, yes.)

Yak, yak, yak

I also jumped into the conversation on Google Buzz, where again the attitude of superiority because of skills comes through over and over. My blood pressure went up when Gray replied almost instantly to a commenter:

Tyler Romeo - When I read this post, I came to a sort of depressing reality. I agree that Facebook is essentially taking over the world, even when there are better services for the specific features it offers... "

And the reply from Louis Gray - Yup. It is depressing, isn't it! :(.

Excuse me, but for all its faults, Facebook has a lot of pluses. And it is simple and sometimes simple is good. Plus, here's what got me to take a closer look at Facebook and start offering intro classes - people are using Facebook instead of email, voice mail and old-fashioned post office mail.

(By the way, I'm glad I stuck with the Buzz conversation because I think it expanded what needed to be said.)

I was rude 

 

Meanwhile, a post I started on the topic was prematurely published and I sent an apology to Gray for the crude attack (hey, it is hard for me to criticize in public. When I do, I like to make sure it is a fair piece.)

But before the email exchanged ended, I told him I thought he was being a snob and wondered about his family's reaction. It sounds like his family isn't annoyed by his stance that superior services are available. But as he admits, most of his family probably hasn't read the post. (I'll argue that most of his family finds his Facebook stream overwhelming and skip most of it. Maybe I'll use that idea for another post someday).

Consider audience

That statement was a stark reminder to remember his audience - early adapters or people keenly interested in technology. For them, the blog post is right on, another opportunity to wish more would see the errors of their ways and jump on the next shiny thing.

And that led to more questions for me and why so many posts remain scattered across the Internet or unpublished in this blo:

• Who am I to tell someone how to use the Internet or any of its tools?
• Do I know the whole story?

Perhaps Gray is acknowledging the comments off site or in another way? Maybe he is time-starved with other obligations (Indeed, I sat on this post long enough that he is talking over on the blog now.)

• Who told me that my way - educating and helping people to use the tool of choice, in this case, Facebook, more efficiently and security - is right?

     Perhaps it is better to have people seeking the next best thing, something stronger and more secure then Facebook.

• Why do I think those with knowledge are obligated to use that to improve what they can?

       See that last perhaps. Besides, Facebook is too old for those with influence to pressure the company into creating a better product.

     And, if I publish this post, have I now taken on the mantle of rudeness and superiority?

Sometimes, we cannot even choose our friends

Some people are sunshine just by showing up. Some create warmth by leaving.

Everyone who stops on your path contributes to the person called you. But you get to decide how to use the gifts.

That thought was inspired by a field of sunflowers that popped up in FarmVille and the struggles of friendship, especially online friends.

Online friends are great, but sometimes they lose out. Those online friends know only what we put out there. They miss the grimaces of pain that might cloud our judgment. They get only the starkness of words. They see just a glimpse of me.

There is no casual bumping into each other. There is no way for intervention by caring friends. There are no shared events, no run-in-to reach-other at the grocery store or a neighborhood event.

A block is better then the personal protection order at maintaining separation.

You are left with arranging the flowers, the gifts, left behind.

Celebrate: Daughter is cancer free

It took 14 months, but finally enough hair to style.

The odometer on my car gives a clue to the pace of the past five days - 935 more miles were added picking her up at the airport, escorting (sort of) her to the medical appointments and dropping her back off at the airport.

The good news is there is no sign that that cancer has returned and the just-turned 26-year-old needs no more chemo. She was even able to get the port out.

There's Tamoxifen and checkups every three months, but mostly this battle against breast cancer is over. Fighters do survive Stage IV, stupid doctors and the odds. (Need background? Check these links.)

Chasing away debt

We've also finished paying off two of the three big debts incurred while she was on her employer's insurance. (She'd been better off without any as then the government, or a charity, even some of the doctors and hospitals would have helped). We hold our breath that those who forgave debts continue to do so and we can continue to pay toward the debt that is bigger then what many make in a year.

Still, it is disheartening to learn that the thousands of miles driven in 2009 and the medical bills do not lead to any tax breaks for her or us. Equally daunting is the new costs of insurance, new medications and new treatments such as physical therapy and counseling. Do not get me started on the Obama health plan.

I remain grateful for second chances, happy that a buyout that ended my career gave me a second chance at attempting to be a good mother and provided a cash cushion. That the cash lasted just long enough helps me believe that God does provide what we need just in time.

Replacing cancer

She's doing better with the end then me, seeing the incompatibility of a lifetime of joy with her companion of the past eight years and learning to separate. She's found classes to take, new people to hang with and is exploring her newly adopted community. She is moving onto new ventures, including a ride-along at the Bristol Speedway, whitewater rafting and skydiving.

Those ventures remind me of how things like hot-air ballooning, road trips and festival-hopping were the norm for me, pre-kid days, pre-multiple sclerosis days and pre-buyout days. But that's another post(s) as I try to figure out just what it is that a people-pleaser with a mishmash of skills is supposed to do next.

Deja vu, all over again

On a more personal level, she's been re-establishing her independence. Even though the books and counselor told me that it would happen, even knowing it in my mind, does not make it easier.

I want to barge into the offices where doctors deliver their statements. I want to be asked what would I do when her work calls once more time. I want her to eat, even like, the meals I fix, praise the redecorated room and rejoice that I've made new friends.

It cuts to the bone when she critiques my driving, saying what a waste it would be to die in a car crash after surviving cancer. And, oh my goodness, she has learned way too well how to send my "angry" face, my "are you kidding" face and others to me.

A planned celebration of a salon visit goes badly when I'm banished to the waiting room and later told to shut up when I make a suggestion.  Of course, later I'm told I heard that wrong and I'm too sensitive.

Keep eye on end

For 10 months, we were together constantly with me living with her or her moving in with my husband and I. For the next five months, we were in contact multiple times each day. But that contact has slowed and this last visit home was hard.

I have become the stupid mother of a teenager once again. I remind myself that this stretch for independence is good. That this, too, shall pass.

But mostly, I remind myself that this kid I wasn't supposed to have, that this woman who fought the battle of a lifetime and won, that this amazing person with a quirky sense of humor and a big heart, loves me.

I've written about my daughter's battle with cancer before - hey, it helped keep me sane. Check out the background and list. Or try these:

• A hairy day is a fine one for hats
• Big blow: Daughter has cancer 
• Jay Leno to the rescue

Reaching the top: Now what?

Getting to the top is always a thrill. But then come the questions. What's next?

I made it to the top level of FarmVille, seven months after I started playing so that my daughter could get enough neighbors to get a larger farm. Since then, playing has become addicting and fascinating. Addicting because there are so many changes. Fascinating because, well, the changes but also why and how people play.

Here's what I wrote on FarmVille when I finally had enough points to become "World Fair Champ."
 

Made it! Level 70!

A hat tip to the mentors - Hussein, Sunil, Stephen and more; A thank you to all who helped with the fertilizing, the gifting, and creativity; A hug to all who encouraged me; A salute to all of you whose positive reactions encouraged me to keep on writing and sharing my thoughts.

This lark of a game reminded me how important new and old friends are, how important connections are, and why I've always loved the magic you can create online and off. Thank you for being my village, my community, my family.

  That's probably enough for now. I started with a bad attitude about this social media game. I ended up learning more than expected. I want to create the next one for Girl Scouts.

This blog post started on FarmVille
 

Bugged: Lasso the bull

Bugged? Of course. But I've driven too many miles this week and walked far too much. (Is it good news or bad news that the soft cast fits again?) to be able to make sense.

There are many more miles to drive and walk yet this week.

Still, I'm not sure how much longer I can toe the line, any line, before I say enough is... enough and take matters into my own hands. The Internet may be a wild place, but I'm ready to lasso the bulls.

This post was started on FarmVille, prompted by completing a bug collection. That completion lets me brag to my friends and give them a chance to get a bug for their collections. Completed collections mean FarmVille coins, points and a reward of fuel. Fuel lets you plant, harvest and plow faster.

If I disappear .....

Someone is reporting I'm abusive on most of my online services, so if this blog may go again too

.... If it's you reporting, please why do you think so?

Update: I'm back and so is this blog though it will be moving shortly. I also hope to post soon about what happened and why.
3/7/10

Yes, I play FarmVille. Yes, I talk a lot. So what

I'm asking for help with this barn and with more.

If you don't like that I'm sharing thoughts here, or in my blog, realize you have the power. Tell me and I can take you off the farm list and you'll get no more notices via FarmVille.

Or go ahead, defriend me on Facebook. I hope you'll say good bye first. Your choice.

But here's the deal: I can stop. No, I won't stop.

Sharing, talking/chatting with you is what makes Facebook, FarmVille interesting to me. (oh, don't forget to click to help expand my barn.)

This post originated in FarmVille, a social media game that encourages blogging by providing prompts with each bonus, announcement and triump you are invited to share with your Facebook friends. This time I needed 10 people to click and help me increase the size of my barn so I could store more virtual items.

Use today for thanks

In the United States, today is Sunday, which means many will head to houses of worship for prayer, for community, and to give thanks to the God they believe in.

Let's all give thanks for that. Let's pray that each will live that love every day, spreading it to make our wold a better place.

This post was first shared on FarmVille.

Mixing it up: Gold + purple = friendship

Golden eggs kept popping in FarmVille today.  And that made me start singing that Barney song - you know the one. The the song that never ends.

That's how I see friendship. Sometimes, friendship is intense. Sometimes, less so. But a little care - an invite to chat, an apology, a shared story - can rekindle the spark.

Yet, how many sparks can one person handle at one time?

That's why friendship, like the song, never ends for me.

This blog post started on FarmVille, meaning while playing the game I was inspired to share a thought that went on and on and on. Like the song..

Make New Friends makes me sad today

I see a golden egg while on Facebook playing FarmVille and the song 'Make New Friends' pushes its way to the top of my brain.

"Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold."

 And today, the song makes me sad. This friend thing? How come I still believe every friend is perfect?

Or why do I think people I spend time with are friends who won't harm me. It is scary how long some people carry a grudge or how quickly a new person enters your life enough to stomp your heart flat (thank you Steve Goodman for giving me such a visual representation of hurt.)

More verses are needed. Perhaps, several on keeping friends after making them.

This blog post started on FarmVille.

Bugged: Label of nice

What's bugging me?

I'm trying to decide why the label of 'nice' rankles. I don't like hearing "nice girl" or even "nice blog."

Suddenly, I translate that that nice into milk toast, watery oatmeal, or creamed tuna over mashed potatoes. Nice is what moms label the scribblings of toddlers. That's nice is what husbands who want to keep the peace mutter when wives dare to talk during the endless rounds of TV sports.

Me? I'm not so nice.

This post was started on FarmVille, prompted by completing a bug collection. That completion lets me brag to my friends and give them a chance to get a bug for their collections. Completed collections mean FarmVille coins, points and a reward of fuel. Fuel lets you plant, harvest and plow faster.

Bugged by too much information?

It bugs me that I am right. TMI - too much information - is not just those dreaded reports, those Facebook statuses, that make us shudder. For instance, why would anyone thing anyone wants toknow there is no toilet paper via Facebook, or Twitter or Friendfeed.

TMI also is the running of the mouth, the emptying of the brain and heart, the uncensored thoughts of struggle that reveal far more then intended.

TMI is the speeding police cruiser on my highway of information. Speed and pursuit of a vehicle blinds the officer to obstacles, to signs of warning. Only a crash stops the pursuit. Or a block.

How silly I believed that sharing doubts was OK. How ironic that the last message you send  says don't worry.

This post was started on FarmVille, prompted by completing a bug collection. That completion lets me brag to my friends and give them a chance to get a bug for their collections. Completed collections mean FarmVille coins, points and a reward of fuel. Fuel lets you plant, harvest and plow faster.

Online chats strengthen my marriage

Today, I posted on Facebook a simple message that my husband won't see because he blocks FarmVille:

"27 years ago today, I had friends and family over to celebrate a big step for me: My house. Boy, wasn't that a major step - a single woman buying her own fixer-upper. When people came to the party, most learned that the guy I met through my job three months earlier and I had tied the knot that morning. A mere 12 months later, another surprise - the woman who could never have kids popped out a beautiful 11-pound girl on Leap Year Day. Ain't love grand!"

As we celebrate a marriage that, to his disappointment, I decide every day to continue I realize that contrary to what some believe my online chats with others is why I choose to stay with the greatest man who walks in my community. (His disappointment is that I choose every day, by the way.)

No smooth path here

Like most marriages, we have our ups and downs. But this week two friends helped me understand what fuels the ups.

I was chatting with a long-time friend who asked if my husband minded me being online so. He followed that up with this about a former partner, who had objected to his computer time:

"XXX must have thought I was in some chat room with someone, which was NOT the case!

That's what you call a stop moment: Whoa, am I doing something wrong by chatting online? You know I was recalling the TV and radio shows where spouses link chatting with cheating even though I know my friend and I see our chatting just like shared coffee at Starbucks. Not cheating, but continuing our friendship.

Twice in one week? Anniversary week?

That reminded me that just a few days earlier I discovered a pattern of mine: I meet what I can only call soul mates. Lately, those people are online as my places for physical interaction dwindle. But I've always been fortunate to get to know people who uncover my soul with their questions, their observations and, even, their throwaway remarks. They listen and I listen.

This discovery and the chat question stunned me at first. Am I being unfaithful by chatting with others instead of my husband? Or am I becoming more interesting to him by learning new things about myself, others and the world around me.

Online prompts = insights

For instance, on a recent road trip with my husband his comment about traffic - he's a transportation planner who can tell you the different types of traffic barriers as we go by - reminded me about a recent online discussion on driving in Cairo, Egypt. Who knew that city and its transportation woes was an interest for him? But it led to a very interesting discussion for the next hour.

I cannot imagine we would have ever discussed Cario traffic or that he also would like to visit the area  without this online prompt.

Learning to see

Still, I panicked this week when I recognized that a new friend really isn't all that new. Oh, it is a different person but he is very similar to other angels who have appeared in my life. Recognizing the pattern shocked me into silence and a period of self-hatred for once again failing to achieve the fairy-tale perfection of marriage.

The back and forth centered around my discovery of how American I am despite being certified in several diversity awareness programs.

A dinner at a Arabic restaurant, a remark about the man's photo on my Facebook page during a Facebook 101 class and another friend's remark drove home to me that I might know about different cultures but I don't always act with knowledge.

And all of that made me realize how important treating others right is to me, a core value.

Diversity uncovers what love is

See, nothing confidential, just a deep conversation. But, like a bolt of lightning, I realized that I often have these types of conversations outside my marriage. Am I cheating on my husband this way?

Remember, despite my feminist leanings I did grow up watching Leave It To Beaver, reading Cosmos and listening to fairy tales where the prince is enough for the princess forever and ever. And as a former practicing journalist and long-time online fanatic, I know how addicting someone can be.

I shut down and had to think before I remembered other core beliefs, beliefs like:

• No one person can be your universe
• You are responsible for you, you alone.
• You are responsible for bringing something to the partnership.

Some things don't change

Seeking knowledge, making and keeping friends and sharing online and off is how I survive, how I grow, how I am.

My husband knows that - I finally acknowledged his interest while hosting a birthday party in honor of another friend who wisely suggested I wake up and notice my admirer. (Yes, this designated driver took birthday boy to his home before meeting my husband-to-be for time alone. Yes, birthday boy said later he regretted not waiting a day to share his observation.Yes, birthday boy is/was one of my angels.)

Just like my husband knows writing - in my blogs, in my journal, on Facebook - keep me sane, my husband knows I have to keep interacting. After all, he didn't fall in love with a shy person. He's not going to stay in love with a mouse.

And I'm going to keep on choosing everyday to love him and stay with him through ups and downs, through online and offline friendship, and most of all, through life.

(Happy anniversary to my number one fan)
Related posts include:
My house became a home

Blogging blunders bugging me 'cause the fix is so easy

It bugs me that people don't get the power of language, especially when choosing a name for a web site or blog. What you say, what you choose, matters unless you like being lonely, no one reading your blog, and no one visiting your web site.

If you have a name for something, you have a shorthand for what that something is. But it has to be the right name, one that people will use because when you say it they know what you are saying and can easily repeat it back. The name needs to fit their habits, not yours. It needs to be consistent, with the English language and with your organization.

Power of three

This rant, like most, is prompted by the power of three - three web sites that don't get why choosing a name, a URL is important. So let's be specific without being embarrassing.

• If you're blogging, make your blog title says something.
• If you're blogging on the web, make sure the web address is "normal" and attractive to search engines.
• If you're blogging, do it for more then becoming a part of the trend.

 

Title tempts readers

Your blog title matters because it should tell us what we will find within the blog and, hopefully, it will help us find the blog.

Two Girl Scout councils blogs - GS Blog and Our Blog - got outed on my Facebook stream this week.

I dislike the GS Blog title for three reasons:

• It tells me too little.I already guessed that it would be about Girl Scouts since it was a Girl Scout council telling me about it.
• A blog is a tool, not a title. Most of us don't read a blog because it is a blog but because of the information within - this title doesn't tell me what to expect.
• It assumes too much. I know GS is Girl Scouts, I don't think that's what the average person calls us, thus that's not what they type in at a search engine.

The blog improves at the site, fulfilling a promise to give you the background of the council and sharing good links. I will say that the blog itself uses photos in a compelling away and most entries are written "blog style," not cut and paste press releases.

 

Make it easy to find

I carry less love for the other title, Our Blog, for the reasons above. But there's also the problem of identity. Two different people told me about Our Blog and then gave me the wrong blog addresses. One said the title was Our Blogs, indicating the address was xxx.org/ourblogs. The other neglected to say the URL had a B to start the word blog -- xxx.org/Blog

The organization already offers major challenges with its base web site address (too many s's - go ahead say a word with s's and see if you don't have to say "s as in Sam" to the puzzled and inconsistent use of the word southeastern). But now it complicates matters by requiring users to hit the caps key for Blog in the address. That's unusual for users and search engines (apparently even the one on the site, which won't let you find the blog by typing in Blog or blog.)

Capital letters in web addresses are unexpected by users and search engines. If you type a lower case word in a search, most will return addresses with the lowercase word AND the uppercase word.  So blog gets me results with blog and Blog but Blog only gets me results with Blog.

I'm sure the webmaster will add a redirect page from xxx.org/blog to its xxx.org/Blog. I even expect that the site search will be updated so that typing in the word blog or Blog will get you to the blog. But why not follow the conventional styles of the web. It's up to content creators to serve content consumers if we want the content read.

 

Be consistent

This blog also hits another pet peeve of mine - the lack of care to a page title. So, in this council, the "page" Our Blog sits on has a title of GSXXX Blog, which I like better then the blog title.

Page titles are important to me because:

• They help me find my way to the page via search engines IF the titles match the content and use English the way I speak it.
  
• They help me navigate back to a page via web history IF the titles match the content.
• They give me, a scanner, a way of knowing what to expect on the page.

 

Tell me enough

At least the page title has the council's initials because I can't quite tell who the our is in Our Blog.

 Our Blog is launched with this Facebook comment:

"Snippity snap, we have a blog! There are 7-8 of us bloggers right now, talking about everything from board updates to program updates to xxxx strategic planning! Check out our thoughts and ideas:"

Seriously, I don't mean to be harsh but this just raises more questions for me. Let's start with who are the bloggers so that I know why I should care about their thoughts and ideas. I didn't expect to have a list over on Facebook, but I did think I'd find an intro to the eight who will start of this adventure in the blog itself.

They get points for including people's names and job titles in the blog posts themselves (but those titles are another rant for another day because they tell me little.)

 

Tell me what's coming

But, just as quickly, let's move into what I can expect to find if I take the time to subscribe. Remember the Facebook comment.

There's this from the first entry:

"In an effort to get information across to you quickly and with the utmost transparency, we've decided to start up our very first blog!

Stay tuned as staff, board members, and volunteers update this blog with up-to-date content!   Girl Scouts 4 Life!"

That gets me back to the question of why are you blogging. In these days of multistreams of information, it is important to define what will be found where and use the tools for what they are best at doing.

If you're blogging because it is easier to publish content on a blog then on your site, perhaps someone should look at removing the web site obstacles.

If you're blogging to become transparent, then I expect to find opinions and background and lots of insight while I still have a chance to influence. Giving me the tools to share a blog post isn't enough; give me a place to react, to ask, to share my opinion.

 If you're blogging just to blog, please don't.

What I wish I could give: Change

Zyanga, through FarmVille, asked me: What are you giving away today?

Here's my reply, shared over on Facebook with those who play FarmVille:

I'm giving you a Valentine here, but what I really want to give you is the ability to change. You don't really get a choice on this change thing. So what do you need from me? Words? A virtual hug? Or just someone to listen."

  It's a shame more of us don't accept the fact that change is what happens.

This post started on FarmVille, a social media game that offers the player a prompt and space to share some words while giving neighbors an opportunity to adopt this ugly duckling and wait for it to turn into a beautiful swan.

Believe in the end

An ugly duckling, which I know one day will become a swan, crossed my path today. It inspired me to think and prompted me to share this online:

I've just learned how much I've been feeling like an Ugly Duckling. But God has been thumping me on the head in so many ways that I realize I need to change.

I need to enjoy this time of being an 'ugly duckling' because none of us know just what or when we will transform. In fact, I'm not sure I think we only transform once.

 This post was started on FarmVille, a social media game started on Facebook, that prompts players to share information when posting bonuses, treasures, requests and announcements..

Health rant: Medicine fails on paper, in person

Health care advocacy is so tiring, whether we advocate for ourselves, our family, our friends, or the past.

Forget the battle for a fair, affordable health care plan in the United States. Worry about the loss of family doctors or general practioners in the land of specialization.

Remember the people who are crafting the national policy are the ones who created Medicare, which reimburses doctors, hospitals and pharmacists less then the medical community gets from patients with health insurace through employers or self.

Part D not for dummies

Remember also the people who are writing the details of a plan to ensure those who need help can get it before dying are the same people who created Medicare Part D, a prescription program for our parents, grandparents and others who should gain respect just by the shear fact they've lived past 62.

Instead, the smart guys who created Part D make our people choose a new plan each year - I had 48 plans to consider for my mother, 60 some for my stepdad, and, a high of 84 plans for another person.

That required inputting what medicines at what dosage are being taken now - do you know what prescriptions you'll need next month, much less all year? Then, you chose the plan that covers the most prescriptions, or at least the most expensive prescriptions. Remember, though, there's a clause that says the insurance company can stop covering a drug at anytime.


Part D not for the sick

Let's not forget the donut hole - that area where you get no help from the plan of your choice after you pay. First, you pay a deductible for your drugs and then you get some help from the plan for approved drugs. But once you reach $2,830 in total drug costs (total drug costs, not your share), you get nothing until your out-of-pocket cost reaches $4,550. Then, you usually get all or most of your drug costs covered. The meter is reset each year.


It's easy and scary to find out your drug costs by asking the pharmacy. For instance, one drug I take costs about $1,000 a month and I pay a $20 co-pay. I  pay that same co-pay for drugs that cost less then $10. 

But think back to Medicare Part D. If you need nearly $3000 worth of drugs in less then a year, aren't you sick enough to require help, not ignorance, for the rest of the prescriptions.

So I have no faith in the crafting of a good for me/us national health care policy.

New D - insurance denials

I'm not encouraged either by the insurance industry. January is the month of denials, when people learn that the insurance they thought they had disappeared either correctly or wrong. First notification comes when the pharmacist asks for $525 instead of an expected $25 co-pay.Blame all the new year changes that sneak in.

This is also when you review the expeneses of the past years as you prepare for taxes. I confess that I cried while sorting out what went where for what. Perhaps broken toes highten my sensitivity. But paying for and tracking my daughter's treatment of breast cancer continues to annoy - doctors and institutions that don't send itemized bills, or bill the wrong insurance or forget to bill until months down the ine.

Calling for 1 doctor

Equally disappointing is how the changes in distributing medicine in this century can harm us unless we are our own medical advocate, staying ontop of the literature and medical advances.

For instance, a new issue of Neurology talks about the possibility of bone problems for those who have multiple sclerosis. The scariest phrase for me is "Even most neurologists don't know about this." Oh, we should?

Certainly, I've never told mine that I've been breaking toes and the same foot over and over and over this past year. 

For the record, on Thursday a doctor suggested I up my intake of Vitamin D to counter what's become an ongoing problem.. On Friday, I broke a few toes. On Saturday, I get a magazine that says those with multiple sclerosis are at risk of bad bones and should up their Vitamin D.


Did we hurt ourselves when we lost family doctors, someone who knew us, our family. Have we lost in this age of specialization - each doctor treating parts with coordination staying with the patient?

I'm overdue for a visit with the man I believe in charge of my multiple sclerosis. (A big snowstorm meant I canceled the last appointment; some expect an earthquake in March in Michigan will prevent the next one.)  So this new development worries me.


I like the doctors in my medicine stable and enjoy their williness to avoid duplication via sharing of records. But I hate going to all of them, to any of them. I never know what to say to which one despite notes. And, after all of these years, I still can't tell when it is time to get their help and not rely on their previous advice.

Tell the guy who specializes in the nervous system about my poor foot and toes? Tell the foot doctor about an eye problem? The eye guy about .....

Many days, I want to return to the doctor who treated me as a child. He knew my parents and grandparents so I didn't have to remidn him which of those were diabetic. He knew. I'm sure I wouldn't have to remember what to tell him other doctors treated because I'd be at a one-stop shop, which sounds very good today.

Right now, I'm looking for something to stop the aching toes, knowing that only time, especially time off my feet, will remove that challenge.